Monday, August 31, 2009

Sometimes... sometimes...


God is faithful.
God is loving.
God is just.

God is kind.

God fulfills.
God satisfies.

God provides.

God is good— all the time.

I believe these statements with all of my heart.

But sometimes... sometimes I subconsciously begin to believe other things, different things.
Like, God won't actually provide for my needs. Or, I deserve to have certain things in my life, and something's wrong if I don't. Or, I'm holier than my friend over there because I'm poor, and I need God more desperately than he does. Or, there is a part of me that can never be fully satisfied until I have a man in my life.

I know these aren't true, and when I read them, I'm ashamed that I actually can believe such ludicrous statements.

But I have.

It's hard to be single. Right now I feel that I'm standing at the edge of a vast Savannah, like the one in the picture above, staring through those spyglasses, hoping beyond hope to see marriage somewhere on the horizon. Blast. Still no man. But I believe that God satisfies, and that God fulfills, and that when He says, "No good thing will I withhold from those who walk uprightly," that He actually means it.

It's hard to be poor. I took another hard look at my finances this weekend and realized, once again, that my income is hardly sufficient for my expenses, let alone ample enough lay a solid foundation in business. Add to this failing equipment and International travel? Holy cow. Hard spot. But again, I believe that God is faithful, and God provides, and that He is good— all the time.

So today, as I look through those lenses and survey my life and squint to view the horizon, I'm looking at God instead of searching for something else. Because my hope is found in my unchanging God, the one who Is who He says He Is.

4 comments:

Andrea said...

Brialliant. So stinking true, that last paragraph.

"Blast. No man." I love it. Because I'm in the same. dang. spot.

I came to this realization a few weeks back though, that I think I've been moving toward for the last two years, that God is the ultimate satisfaction. And I finally truly believe that, even though I have days like yesterday (um, ok, and today) where I feel like I'm wandering the aisles of a grocery store, starving, and yet there is no appetite for any of it.

At least we hold onto one thing, in God alone do we find our identity, worth and purpose. Anything else in life is like whipped cream: a sweet and delightful addition.

Shelley said...

Sarah, I found your blog though a link, somewhere, and added your address to my google reader some time ago. I've really enjoyed and appreciated the thoughts you've written here. I've been having to learn too, as Andrea said "in God alone do we find our identity... anything else in life is like whipped cream: a sweet and delightful addition." Thanks for sharing with us.

Elizabeth Anne said...

Thank you, Sarah. I needed to hear that today... to have truth spoken into me.

Ruthann said...

Yes and Amen Sarah! I'm standing there too. Sometimes....it's a battle to KEEP "looking at God instead of looking at something else." Thank you for reminding my heart (in this, and many of your other posts!) that seeing and knowing Him is supremely worth even the battles. Love you!

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