Hadassah Howell

Last month I did belly shots for Shelly Howell. Well, five days after we did Shelly's portraits, Hadassah Joy decided to make her appearance, and three weeks after that, I got to do her portraits.



Click here to see more pictures.

[when there are no titles, I just write]

I've been rather distant lately. Distant in the blog sphere, distant in friendships, and distant with myself. Several days ago I realized that I've hardly journaled at all for the past three weeks. This is a bad sign for me. It usually means that I'm dealing with things too deep for comfort. My default defense mechanism is to emotionally retreat, as if ignoring the issue dissolves it, denies its existence.

So I forced myself to write.

I doodled and drew. I bought new pens. I colored in black & white sketches. I wrote six pages in one sitting to catch myself up with what my insides were feeling. And I began to feel those insides again.

What was locked came unhinged, and it seemed too much to bear.

I realized how much I'm fighting against gifts from God's hand. Gifts that would taste good if I choose to acknowledge them as good. Gifts that are answers to prayers, though not in the desired form. Gifts that come from a Lover, not a Dictator. Gifts that are smaller parts of a larger Gift— knowing my Lord.

I have quoted this many times before, but I hold fast to the words, "It is a good day to me when Thou givest me a glimpse of myself." I consider every weakness, every stumble, every moment of lonliness or want an opportunity to find satisfaction in Jesus Christ, and in that fulfillment, the struggle or weakness becomes a gift, because it draws my heart closer to my Lord.

Yes— I'm dealing with intense emotions on so many different levels and in so many categories that it exhausts me to think about it. I can't handle it all. I'm simply incapable. But Jesus can and will.

So I trust Him, and I thank Him for His gifts.

Death is Not Dying

This was posted on the Desiring God Blog this morning. Please read it. Please watch the video.

"Rachel Barkey is a 37 year-old wife and mother of two who is dying of cancer. She only has weeks to live.

On March 4, she addressed 600 women and in 55 minutes delivered one of the most God-centered, gospel-soaked, honest, moving, and beautiful messages I have heard. I don’t know that Rachel has read John’s article, Don’t Waste Your Cancer, but she is a beautiful example of every point John made.

Check out Rachel’s website where you can watch or download the video and audio. You will not regret the 55 minutes. Very little is more important than the things she says."



I want this kind of faith. I want this kind of love for God, and trust in His providence.

I hold these truths...

My brother will be famous someday

Okay. I don't usually brag on my family (even if they are the most fun, hilarious, entertaining, God-centered family that I know). But when big things happen here, I think it's worth sharing with the world.

My 16-year-old brother Taylor is tall. Very tall. 6'9', to be precise, with a 7'1" wingspan and a size 20 shoe. He's in his first year of AAU league basketball, and he's absolutely stunning his coach. He was just featured in Roundball Recruiting's "Names To Know in 2010 and Beyond", and my entire family (all eleven of us) have big stupid grins plastered on our faces. Even Tay, the quiet, unassuming, laid-back guy in the family, cracked a grin when he heard about the article.

Yeah, we're pretty excited.

Journal Entry

Today has been quite the day. God is stripping things out of my hands, and reminding me that this is His story, not mine. As such, it is vital that I hold my hands open, instead of closing them around hopes and dreams and plans and passions. Oswald Chambers sums it up well: "The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere."

No nests. Not in dreams, not in plans, not in hopes, or expectations. Not even when it seems to be God's direction and guidance, or when it seems that God placed me here.

Chambers continues, "Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth... We are uncertain of our next step, but we are certain of God... We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next... Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come." (My Utmost for His Highest, April 29 entry)

Psalm 84:5-7 says that I am a pilgrim with a heart set on a journey toward God. This pilgrimage is not just a part of my life. It defines it. It changes my life's tenure, its strengths and standards, its direction, and the theme and rhythm of my day-to-day walk.

And so I walk as a pilgrim with a heart on a journey to God, and consequently, I do not make my nest anywhere— except on God Himself.

Brian + Jennifer | Wedding

Last weekend I shot a wedding with Tim Lucente of Criswell Lucente Photography. It was my first outdoor wedding to shoot, and it was certainly a treat! The preparation, ceremony, and reception all took place at private-owned lake house right on Lake Anna. And God showed off with an incredible sunset! Since I was technically just assisting with this wedding, I don't have many ceremony shots. But I got some incredible shots, anyway. Check them out at my photo blog! ampersandphoto.blogspot.com