Monday, August 25, 2008

[just afraid]

I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid to change. I'm afraid of growth. I'm afraid to be stretched. I'm afraid that it will hurt. I'm afraid to try something new. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid to succeed.

And I'm struggling to trust God with the unknowns and the uncomfortables.

I know that He is my provider. But somehow, for some strange reason, I feel like I have to provide for myself in case something happens... or something like that. I'm afraid to leave the security and stability of the "known" to branch out and do the unknown. I know God will provide for me. I know that, deep down inside, I really want to jump out and do this. I know that I will be more fulfilled and more stable in the unknown than I am in the known.

But when it's time to actually make that decision, I look down at this great, big vast unknown... and forget that it's actually...

Not an unknown.

I'm tired of my stupid "try to maintain comfortable control of my life" mindset that I so often fall into. I'm ready to trust Him.

But I'm still struggling to do it.

Pray for me, if you think of it.

1 comment:

Shining for Christ said...

Wow. Sarah, I feel like you described my very self!
I will keep you in my prayers, my dear friend.:-) I miss you!