Myself

I am all at once courageous, I am all at once afraid
It came on me like nightfall, like a freight train
I can't seem to hold it in, and I can't seem to run away...
And I am laden with the thoughts of everything I mean to say
Wish I could tell you, but I just can't find the words.
_Sandra McCracken, "Springtime Indiana"_

Why I do it

I started a new journal last week.
This is why I journal, why I write, and why I photograph.
"That the next generation might know [God], the children yet unborn, and arise and tell [of Him] to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget." -Psalm 78:6-7

Lost photos found

I cleaned off my laptop and backed up my hard drive yesterday. I found several images that I never posted. Want to see more? Visit ampersandphoto.blogspot.com

Song of the day

The Well Song | Chelsey Scott

Walk through the grass my dear one
Let the dew drip down your feet
Let the weeds twist and tie themselves
'Round your precious toes.
Let the clean, crisp night air flow
Right in to your lungs.
And into every limb let the bright, sharp night stars
sing you to sleep once again.

This well that I have dug
May be deep, my love.
No water does it hold
To quench your thirsty soul
This cistern in the ground
It's walls are dry, brittle, and brown.
Oh, and dirt has found a way down to the bottom of it's dusty floor
So don't ask me to quench your thirst anymore.
Don't ask me to give anymore.

Well I've walked and walked a thousand lengths
Watched my precious strength go weak
Oh, Lord, I can't walk a single mile more.
So I sat and sat in lazy pain,
Let the plea go straight to my brain
Oh, Lord, I can't sit here a single moment more.

'Cause this well that I have dug
Completely empty of love
No water does it hold
to quench my thirst and soul
'Cause your cisterns in the ground
Oh, what a beautiful sound
they just flow and flow
How they meet my thirsty soul
Oh, Lord, why give this strength to fools
No, I don't thirst anymore.

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So I shot a wedding last weekend...

I second shot with the fabulous Abby Vander Hamm. Wanna see more pics? Head over to Ampersand!

Feeding on crumbs

"It is sweet to be nothing and have nothing, and to be fed with crumbs from the hand of God." (The Valley of Vision)

I don't know that I could number the times that I have repeated this to myself in the past year. My family has never had much money. I'm used to living on a tightwad budget, and I have a hard time comprehending what it means to not have financial needs, or what it's like to have money to spend as you wish. The prayers before every single meal include supplications for whatever that greatest need is at the time. When all eleven of us lived in a 2100-square-foot house, we prayed three times a day for four years before God provided us with a new home.

But my parents instilled in us a firm belief in God's ability to care for our needs in every way. I am incredibly grateful that I don't have much money, and that my family never had much, either. I am incredibly grateful that I can't buy things when I want them, or I think I need them. Granted, it's hard. Very hard. I have shed many tears over the fact that money just isn't there when I think I need it. But if God is sovereign— and I believe with all that is in me that He is sovereign— then He knows what I need, and He always provides to fill those needs.

And it seems that those needs never go away. As a photographer, I don't have nearly as much equipment as I "should" have for the work that I do— lenses, accessories, software, etc. As an adult, I don't have nearly as many things as a normal person my age should have— a car, a savings account, a source of steady income, or a boyfriend. But these needs, and the consciousness of my inability to fulfill them, make me more aware of God's hand of provision, feeding my soul with "crumbs" from His table.

If I had money, I would have purchased Adobe Photoshop CS3 more than a year ago when I first knew that I needed it. Instead, I prayed and I waited, and God dropped it into my lap for $400 less than I would've spent last year.

If my family had money to travel and vacation and go do things, memories would consist of places and events, not times spent sitting around the living room for hours on end with coffee in hand, laughing and telling stories like we did today.

If my parents had money to give us whatever they wanted to, our Easter baskets would be full of books and gifts and items. But this year, Dad took each of our Bibles and placed them in our baskets, and shared his heart's desire for His children to fall in love with God's Word.

I would miss so much if I had the money to buy what I want and go where I want and do what I want. Yes— it's hard to wait on God's provision, and hard to trust when He doesn't provide what and when I want Him to provide. But I know the sweetness of having nothing and being nothing. I know those crumbs from His hand.

And I wouldn't trade those crumbs for all the money in the world.

Baby Madison

More pictures of Madison: ampersandphoto.net

Because I need the reminder...

1 John 3:20

Shelly Howell | Baby Bump

Shelly Howell goes to my Church. She is expecting. And she wanted pictures of her cute little pregnant belly before she has her baby. Of course, I was happy to oblige. Keep your eye out for newborn pics in a couple of weeks!



Check out more pictures at AmpersandPhoto.net!

Strange beings

“You could never have known free grace and dying love if Jesus had not come to redeem you.

Unfallen intelligent spirits will say in eternity, ‘Do you see those beings bowing nearest to the eternal throne? Do you see those well-beloved creatures? Who are they?’ Spirits that have lived in other worlds will come crowding up to the great metropolis, and will say one to another, ‘Who are those courtiers — those that dwell nearest to God? Who are they?’

And one spirit will say to another, ‘They are beings whom God not only made as he made us, but whom the eternal Son of God redeemed by blood.’ And one shining one will say to his fellow, ‘What is that? Tell me that strange story.’ Then will his companion delight to say, ‘They were saved because the Son of God took their nature, and in that nature died.’

‘Wonderful! Wonderful!’ his friend will answer, ‘How could it be? Was there suffering for them, and pain for them, and bloody sweat for them, and death for them on the part of the ever-blessed Son of God?’ The answer ‘It was even so,’ will be news full of astonishment even to the best instructed celestial mind. Spirits will look at us with wonder, and say, ‘What strange beings are these?’

—Charles Spurgeon, “David’s Spoil” (sermon on 1 Samuel 20:30)

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to all those who were to believe in Him for eternal life. 1 Timothy 1:15-16